Friday night blues

Ohhhh Fridays. Kara loves them. She talks about them all week long. On Thursdays she’s for sure going to tell whoever she talks to: we almost made it!

I can’t recall a time when my Friday mornings didn’t begin with her saying: happy Friday, yayyy, we made it through the week! If you ask her why she loves Fridays so much, she’ll just say, I don’t know. And to be honest, I’m not sure either. There’s nothing about her Fridays that are actually different but I think she channels the 9-5 working world’s appreciation for the day and exudes pure joy for all of us. It’s sweet.

Lately, I’ve been dreading Fridays.

They’re wonderful in the sense that I know the weekend is beginning and I can give her my undivided attention. But it’s hard not to be on edge. I spend my Fridays staring at her, analyzing her every move, trying to decide if there’s anything medically we need to address before the weekend begins.

After our many outings this week, we promised her that we aren’t going anywhere this weekend and I’m really hoping we can hold true to that promise.

But my girl isn’t eating much. And I’ve always known this moment was going to hurt deeply.

She’s always been such a foodie and she doesn’t understand what’s happening to her body. As she watches TV from sun up to sun down, she gets excited about the food and grocery store commercials. I’ll say, oh, do you want that pizza? Or Culver’s. Or literally anything on the screen, anything she wants I would make it happen for her. And she’ll enthusiastically say: tomorrow! Because I think she believes in her soul that tomorrow will be different.

And even when she thinks she wants something, when you put it in front of her she gets such a sad face. Sometimes she gets mad, especially if you mention a food item that for whatever reason is now repulsive to her. She’ll mean mug you. I’m so sorry, Kara girl.

And now her steps to the bathroom require a person on each side of her. The steps are tiny, slow and she’s uneasy along the way. It makes us so sad to think how quickly things have shifted.

I think about the many days I recorded her delivering Dr. Pepper to me and how I never took for granted those moments, knowing it wouldn’t last forever. I filmed the last day she felt well enough to do her favorite chore, proudly putting the dishes away. But her last steps on her own… I can’t even recall what or when they were.

How significant of a life moment to not know when it was her last.

And every day she bravely and fiercely makes the difficult steps to get to the recliner in the living room and I think to myself: I really hope this isn’t the last day she makes it out here.

One morning this week she opened her eyes at 4am and said to Mom, “good morning to you.” Mom replied, “good morning.” Kara smiled and said, “life is good,” and then went right back to sleep. And while I’m counting symptoms and bracing for the next hard thing, she’s waking up at 4am and casually reminding us that life is still good.

I’m hanging on for dear life over here.

For those that have reached out and asked me to take care of myself too, I’m making a plan to cut hours at work so that I can be fully present with my girl. It’s scary, sad and totally exhausting. But I’d rather be here with her than anywhere else.

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If You're New Here

Hi, I’m Alisha, Kara’s sister and biggest advocate. Kara was diagnosed with Stage 4 Triple-Negative Invasive Ductal Carcinoma (TNBC) in December 2024. Her cancer spread to her bones, liver and other areas, making this an incredibly difficult and uncertain journey.

Despite it all, Kara’s light still shines so brightly. She’s full of love, giggles and endless positivity. This blog is where I share updates on her fight, the highs and lows and the incredible community rallying around her.

Thank you for being here, for your love, support and prayers. We need them more than ever. 💛 And of course, Go Hawks!

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