Roger.

I’m typically quiet about my relationship, so it feels strange to write about it on Kara’s blog. But in a year where I've shared so much in this space, it didn't feel right to not reflect here on Roger's birthday.

In a world that’s always been filled with big emotions and chaos, Roger is the quiet, the calm and the steady. My one requirement for a serious relationship wasn’t small, it meant finding someone who could love Kara and me as a package deal. That’s not an easy ask and I knew it would narrow my path. But Roger didn’t hesitate. He didn’t just accept that reality; he embraced it. And somehow, he turned out to embody all the qualities I never even knew I needed.

If my memory is right (and it’s often not), one of our first interactions still makes me laugh. Kara was coming home from dinner during one of her social outings and Roger and I had grabbed fast food. She stared at him with laser focus and announced several times, “Ooooh, french fries... I like fries.” Roger kept eating. I glared at him, waiting for him to share. He ignored me. Finally, he sighed, handed her some and I immediately called him out for being rude. He pushed back: “Actually, no... Kara’s being rude for asking for food off my plate.” The audacity of this man.

I’ll always side with Kara a thousand percent of the time but I’ve grown to appreciate that moment as a glimpse into who Roger really is. He treats her like a whole person, not fragile, not special, just Kara. While the rest of the world fawns over her, Roger meets her with dignity and normalcy. And she loves him for it. If you didn’t know their dynamic, you might think Roger’s being harsh or blunt. In reality, he provides balance. He’s the grounding force that keeps both of us steady.

My mom always told me to find someone who could build me a bookshelf and Roger can build that and so much more. He’s the one I call for everything. He doesn’t always jump the second I ask like I want him to but he always follows through. Whenever he spots something that could make Kara’s life easier, he’s already planning how to build or fix it. He’s made adaptations to our home, created systems of support and has never once complained about the 14- to 16-hour days I spend down the street at my parents’ house or the hours he spends on facetime with Kara and the dog so she can watch him eat (LOL).

He just quietly supports us, again and again.

Through Kara’s diagnosis, one of the things that makes me the most sad is knowing the chapter we’ll never get to live.

I always imagined giving Kara a calm, nurturing home, one that reflected the kind of peace I’ve spent most of my life searching for. I wanted her to grow into adulthood surrounded by love that felt steady, uncomplicated and safe. I wanted to give her peace. Consistency. A place where she could just be Kara. I knew Roger was the right person to help her thrive. I could picture the three of us taking her places, giving her a life that was both beautiful and ordinary in the best possible way.

I think I’ll mourn that version of our future forever. It’s been part of my vision for so long. And I know Roger grieves it too, even if I rarely give him space to show it.

Birthdays are strange this year. Nothing feels quite worthy of celebrating. But I’m grateful he’s here. Grateful for his quiet strength, his patience, his reliability. And grateful that somehow, in the middle of all this chaos, I found the calm.

Happy birthday to the person who builds more than shelves — you build home.

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If You're New Here

Hi, I’m Alisha, Kara’s sister and biggest advocate. Kara was diagnosed with Stage 4 Triple-Negative Invasive Ductal Carcinoma (TNBC) in December 2024. Her cancer spread to her bones, liver and other areas, making this an incredibly difficult and uncertain journey.

Despite it all, Kara’s light still shines so brightly. She’s full of love, giggles and endless positivity. This blog is where I share updates on her fight, the highs and lows and the incredible community rallying around her.

Thank you for being here, for your love, support and prayers. We need them more than ever. 💛 And of course, Go Hawks!

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