Russian Dolls

I feel like every day is a chance to morph or shatter and today’s healing culture romanticizes that journey. I don’t feel like I have a choice in who shows up in each moment. All I know is that no matter how defeated I feel or how much my exterior breaks, suddenly there’s a new version of me underneath.

It’s like a Russian doll. And I’m pleasantly surprised anything is still appearing at all.

Today, I’m glad a new version of me showed up as I walked into the house and heard my parents screaming.

I dropped my backpack, the hash browns and the Big Buddy on the ground. I fumbled to pull my phone out of my pocket and call 911, as I was directed.

I dial the numbers and try to calmly say the address and callback number. The operator asks what’s going on and I realize my eyes haven’t even had a chance to assess the situation. And my brain is trying to catch up.

I see Kara, her eyes rolling back, my mom holding her upright. Kara’s legs have given out.

“I’m not sure,” I tell the operator. “I just got here. I think she’s passing out.”

She asks if Kara is breathing. Yes. Thankfully. Then Kara lets out a big yawn and I feel a wave of relief. She’s somewhat responsive, just not herself.

Dad takes her from Mom’s arms and carries her the few steps to the bedroom so she can sit on the bed. She lies down. I’m told help is on the way.

And it is.

The response time of the Camanche ambulance is nothing short of extraordinary. For perspective: I arrived at my parents’ house at 7:43 a.m. I made the call at 7:45. Five minutes on the phone with 911 and the ambulance had already arrived.

Kara and I ride together. She’s given a teddy bear to snuggle. By 8:18, we’re in the Clinton ER. Mom and Michelle right behind us.

I am so thankful for our hometown fire department and medic services. They are phenomenal.

I text Kyle to let him know I won’t be coming into the office. Luckily, there wasn’t much to cover today but every time this happens, I worry I haven’t prepared enough to keep things moving if I ever need to take a sudden leave of absence.

Still, I yell to my dad to toss my laptop bag in the car so I can pick away at my to-do list from wherever we are.

I expect Kara to be upset about going to the hospital. I tell her this works out, we were planning to come up here for bloodwork today anyway. As she enters the hospital, she says good morning to every staff member we pass. Her voice isn’t as chipper as usual but her spirit is still there.

We’re soon greeted by a group of preschoolers caroling. Right before they reach her door, they start singing her favorite song: Jingle Bells.

A God wink. I take it.

Then the tests begin: bloodwork, X-ray, CT scan, EKG. Time stretches and compresses until Kara announces it’s already afternoon.

She’s given an antibiotic not because there’s a confirmed infection but just in case. I pray it’s dehydration. Or something treatable. Something simple.

The ER doctor tells us it’s disease progression. He says the mets in her sternum are putting pressure near her heart, making her body tired.

He speaks with her oncologist. They decide to admit her overnight for monitoring and fluids. Kara is so exhausted so she doesn’t seem to mind. She makes small talk, asks some questions and while she’s not her usual self, but still trying.

As we leave the ER for her room, she turns to the nurses and says, “Goodbye, ladies. Have a good afternoon!”

She’s spreading cheer. Always.

I don’t know what the next Russian doll looks like underneath. I’m holding onto the whole stack for dear life, hoping we can stabilize in the versions we have now. I’ll update when I know more.

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If You're New Here

Hi, I’m Alisha, Kara’s sister and biggest advocate. Kara was diagnosed with Stage 4 Triple-Negative Invasive Ductal Carcinoma (TNBC) in December 2024. Her cancer spread to her bones, liver and other areas, making this an incredibly difficult and uncertain journey.

Despite it all, Kara’s light still shines so brightly. She’s full of love, giggles and endless positivity. This blog is where I share updates on her fight, the highs and lows and the incredible community rallying around her.

Thank you for being here, for your love, support and prayers. We need them more than ever. 💛 And of course, Go Hawks!

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