The House She Built

Birthdays hit differently these days, just like everything else in our lives, I suppose. But Kara loves a good celebration, and she was on her A-game all day long. I prayed so hard for this.

So we put on our happy faces this morning and pretended everything was just dandy for my mom’s 70th.

The truth is, she probably would have been emotional no matter what. My parents have lamented their ages for as long as I can remember, reminding us often of their impending doom. I’m not sure if that’s a generational trait, but unfortunately it rubbed off on me too. Someday, I hope I can get out of my own head and learn to love birthdays.

Here’s the thing: my mom is a young 70. In looks and personality, she’s nowhere near what you’d expect. Although, in fairness her judgment and clarity are harder to measure right now as we all live through the worst season and trauma of our lives. I have to work pretty hard to give her (and everyone else) grace right now, myself included.

When I zoom out though, I see that she is a remarkable woman and mother. Of course she’s flawed (aren’t we all?), I’d share the list here but she’s highly sensitive (hmmm, I probably inherited that gift too) and we can’t be hurting her feelings! But even in her shortcomings I’ve found growth and wisdom for myself. In artist Regan Hatfield’s piece American Devil Sound, he shares stories of redemption and how beauty can be found in darkness. I’ve spent much of my life chasing that same light, and because of my mom I’ve never been alone in the search.

My mom is fiercely loyal, fully present, resilient and gives every ounce of her love to us. We’ve always been the center of her world, and while many moms could say that, I truly believe Lori has taken it to another dimension.

Over the years, I’ve watched her shrink when asked what she did for a living. Her shoulders would fold in and in a quiet tone she’d say that when Kara was born, she became a stay-at-home mom. I never understood the shame in that answer. Doesn’t she realize the insane weight she carried? All the labor it takes to run a household, let alone one with a special needs child? And for most of it, she did it alone, because Dad’s job kept him on the road 80% of the time. She was everything: the cook, the entertainer, the teacher, the maid, the nurse, the advocate, the executive assistant and master scheduler (until Kara took over), the chauffeur, the therapist and the biggest cheerleader of all time.

People compliment me often on my caretaking skills but I learned from one of the greatest caretakers to ever do it. So much of what’s “special” in me is simply modeled after her.

So here we are: 70 years of my mom on this earth. I know many of her personal hopes and dreams feel out of reach. I know her purpose has always been wrapped in caretaking and there’s fear in what comes next. But I also know this: my mom is the strongest woman I know. A survivor, through and through. Her caretaking will never end, she will always be needed. The role may evolve but her purpose and her heart will never fade. Everything she has poured into her children is visible, lasting and alive in us and our story. Kara’s light alone is proof enough, a brilliance that exists because of the environment my mom created.

And today, she freaking held it together. Maybe we all did. Maybe for once we realized how lucky we are, that the best gift of all is simply being able to share the day with each other.

So take a breath, Mom. You’re doing great. And you have so, so much to be proud of. Happy Birthday, love you forever (with all of my heart).

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If You're New Here

Hi, I’m Alisha, Kara’s sister and biggest advocate. Kara was diagnosed with Stage 4 Triple-Negative Invasive Ductal Carcinoma (TNBC) in December 2024. Her cancer has spread to her bones, liver, and other areas, making this an incredibly difficult and uncertain journey.

Despite it all, Kara’s light still shines so brightly—she’s full of love, giggles, and endless positivity. This blog is where I share updates on her fight, the highs and lows, and the incredible community rallying around her.

Thank you for being here, for your love, support, and prayers. We need them more than ever. 💛 And of course, Go Hawks!

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