This Thanksgiving with Kara

I can’t remember a year where I wasn’t sitting on our two kitchen counter stools next to Kara during Thanksgiving meal prep. We’ve learned so many cooking lessons from that spot over the years and when Mom gets stressed, Kara is always quick with reassurance, directions and cheerleading her through the next task. Kara is also the designated taste tester.

Today, as Mom picked up the turkey to put it in the oven and mentioned how heavy it was, Kara didn’t hesitate:

“YOU CAN DO IT MOM!”

Thanksgiving is Kara’s favorite holiday… even though she won’t directly tell you that because she “likes them all.”

She asked for her leftover steak fries to be reheated and since the oven was full, we tried a microwave warm-up. I took one bite and declared it inedible. I told her it was disgusting and she fired right back, “NO, Alisha, I don’t like disgusting food. It’s good!” Everything with her is always good. But… she took only a couple bites and didn’t finish them. So clearly, I was right.

When Mom walked in with the stuffing from the garage fridge, Kara clapped her hands and said, “Yayyyy!” And when mom pulled the turkey out and was debating if it needed to go back in the oven, she offered her sound advice: just stop... it is, what it is.

Earlier this morning, while I was on the phone with the airline rebooking our flight to avoid this weekend’s snowstorm, she smiled so brightly during the entire 30+ minute hold time because the music was cheerful. Only she would turn that moment into something joyful.

Sometimes my wanders on the thought of life without her and I get so emotional about the little things she does... the vibe she brings to a room, the way she fills the air with pure delight and her zest for absolutely everything. Every single day of my life has been made better because she’s in it. I've really leaned on her existence to experience the goodness in life. The codependency here is quite strong.

When Gretchen from the Quad-City Times asked what it was like growing up with Kara, I blanked. There’s so much about it that words could never touch. She asked if we played games or did certain activities and sure, we played Uno from time to time and with some of her toys when she was little. But mostly? We didn’t need activities. Being in her presence was enough.

Most of our time together even now includes TV-6 in the background and us singing a lot of commercial jingles.

When we’re together, our neurodivergent traits fit together like puzzle pieces. We slip into this little inner world where we don’t have to mask, our own rhythm of jingles, repetition, silly voices and those little language loops that probably wouldn’t make sense to anyone else. We stim through music and sound, echoing each other in a way that’s instinctive and grounding. Kara is the one person I can be fully myself with and the space between us has always felt steady and gentle in a way that I can’t always explain...like a tiny protected bubble we built together safe from the world around us.

There is no one else in the world like her. When I think about home, she’s it.

We've been extra busy this week. She had a wonderful birthday and the outpouring of love filled us with so much joy. I’m grateful for every day but these milestones are hitting differently. As I wrote in my last post, I wasn’t sure she would see this season again. I think back to the calendars I give her every year and how I prayed she’d be here to flip each page of 2025. And after today, I’m pretty sure she’s going to want to flip it to December and what an incredibly special feat that is!

But mixed into all this joy is a reality that’s been weighing on us.

On Monday, her PET scan showed new growth in lymph nodes, bones… and her liver. Sigh. Trodelvy kept things at bay for a little while but the cancer has outsmarted it. We had a quick call with her oncologist on Monday night and we don’t know what, if any, good options remain. By the time I got home that evening, I felt like I was grieving all over again. My eyes poured out so many tears and then I pulled myself together because we had an important 31st birthday to celebrate!

We do have a trip planned to Kara’s happy place, though. I’ve kept that under wraps until we knew whether she’d be cleared to travel. Her doctor says there’s no reason we can’t go to Florida. We’re planning to stay two weeks and had lined up an appointment with a cancer center in Sarasota to continue treatment if needed. For now, we’re pausing treatment but keeping the appointment to get that oncologist’s perspective. I’m trying not to get overly optimistic, meeting new doctors who tell us the same sad outcome has broken my heart more times than I can count. But there are pockets of hope. And I’m comforted that we’re leaving no stone unturned for her in this hell of a fight.

We originally booked a Saturday flight out of Peoria but I changed it to Sunday out of Moline to avoid any weather stress. I was proud of myself for buying Trip Flex only to learn that some fees aren’t refundable. If it were just me, I would’ve waited for the airline to cancel. But I can’t play those odds with her. Kara’s comfort comes first. And this trip is only possible because of the generosity of friends who are now more like family. We are so blessed by this circle that surrounds us.

If you could continue the prayers for our sweet girl and for wisdom and clarity for her doctors. Her cancer is aggressive and we know standard options are running low. We’re taking things one day at a time, hoping for gentleness, strength and as much peace as this next chapter can bring.

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If You're New Here

Hi, I’m Alisha, Kara’s sister and biggest advocate. Kara was diagnosed with Stage 4 Triple-Negative Invasive Ductal Carcinoma (TNBC) in December 2024. Her cancer spread to her bones, liver and other areas, making this an incredibly difficult and uncertain journey.

Despite it all, Kara’s light still shines so brightly. She’s full of love, giggles and endless positivity. This blog is where I share updates on her fight, the highs and lows and the incredible community rallying around her.

Thank you for being here, for your love, support and prayers. We need them more than ever. 💛 And of course, Go Hawks!

Team Kara Support Fund

Your gift helps cover travel, caregiving and comfort-related expenses for Kara’s support team. While Kara cannot receive funds directly, your generosity provides the relief and resources we need to keep showing up with love.

https://givebutter.com/teamkara